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How it feels to lose something that means everything to you

Today I lost one of my cats. I lost Milo to distemper. I lost her so sudden and so soon.

  
I lost her just 2 days before her turning 7 months old on September 13.

Never in my life before I lost someone or something that is so precious and important to me, and now that I did I know how it feels now.

It hurts, more than words could describe.

I cannot even content all the sadness and disappointment. All of the past 7 months spent with Milo still feels surreal.

She begged to come into my room like last night then the next morning she had gone.

It’s so painful to think of all the possibilities I could have done to save her; all the times I didn’t spend with her; times when I kicked her out of my room because I felt annoyed; times when I loved other cats more than her; times when I ignored her when she tried to have my attention.

It is even more painful to see her dead body but still wanting her back, still going to work pretending that everything’s okay, still thinking she’d be home waiting for me to get back in the evening and when I get back home I just wish to turn back time to when she was still alive.

It is painful to hold all these tears for nothing because she’s not coming back.

So I write, in hope to wash away all this sadness but never to wash away my memories with Milo.

I write just so all the angels in heaven could read this to her and tell her that I’ve always loved her and will always do.

And tell her that I miss her.

Rest in peace, little Milo ❤️

(13/02/2015 – 11/09/2015)

  

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