Random Thoughts

Fail, fail, I ain’t afraid!

A couple of weeks ago, my sister tweeted me about the English Literature major in her University (University of Indonesia a.k.a UI) being the best in Indonesia.

As some of you know, my major is English Literature but sure my University is only a less-popular State University than my sister’s.

I was at that time kind of gutted reading my sister’s tweet. It took me to some desperate hours of thoughts about how tough and painful it was to get accepted to her University three years ago. I took approximately three entrance tests (SIMAK UI, UMB, SNMPTN) but none of them could get me a seat in that University in the end.

I cried over my failures to get accepted in that prestigious University for like three days back then. I thought I was never going to move on and my life has ended there.

It really took me even a year to move on as the next year, although I was already enrolled in my current University, I tried my luck once again to get into my sister’s University.

But again, I failed…

Luckily, I was not really sad at the fourth times I failed. I guess I have just gotten used with failures and rejections :’)

As soon as I coped with the last rejection, I began to realise that my life did not stop there and somehow I had to make it better. I started to focus on my study. Everything seems easy when you enjoy what you are doing and I have to agree with that because my major never gives me a headache.

I have always been in love with English Language and Literature. I loved what I am studying and I have never been into trouble so far for studying it. My passion towards my major slowly but surely did bury all the griefs and disappointments over my failures.

It also cannot be denied that some judgemental people say English Language and Literature is easy, I am trying not to be bothered by it because I know it is not for some of us, the students, since some students got dropped out simply because they could not follow the courses.

I am not trying to be arrogant but I got good grades and a lot of wonderful experiences, and my major even took me to places I have always wanted to go to. Moreover, unlike most University students I know would feel about their majors, my major has never made me stress out.

Back to all my failures in the past to get accepted in my sister’s University, if only I got accepted in my sister’s University…

Maybe I would have never been to places I had always been dreaming to go to,

Maybe I would not love my major as much as I love my current major now,

Maybe I would have never gotten good grades,

Maybe I would have never enjoyed my life as much as I do now,

and the most important thing… maybe I would never have best friends as good as my University friends that have taught me a lot of life lessons.

Because when the world gets darker and there seems to be no space for the sun to light our world, it is when it forces us (or at least me) to do something to prove that every cloud has a silver lining.

Looking at everything that happened in my past life now, all the failures, rejections, hard and depressing times makes me want to laugh at it. Laugh because it is what brings me to a lot of great things in the present time that I had never imagined before would ever happen to me.

If failures and rejections are what bring people to get what is best for them, then I am not afraid to fail and get rejected million times before I succeed because that is just how we learn.

But a greater message beyond that I would like to tell you all is… learn to love what you have, not what you want, that way happiness will follow you around…

and for now, I am happy for being where I am, a damn better place. 🙂


6 thoughts on “Fail, fail, I ain’t afraid!

  1. Hi Amel 🙂
    I’ve just read half of your blog entries; you know your blog is just too inspiring 🙂 I will definitely recommend this to my folks^^ Congratulations for your scholarships anyway, I believe you deserved to get those blessings. Glad for you, sister.
    By the way, if you just need to ask random questions about states, probably you can contact me, you’re most welcome ^^ I was one of the grantees of Global Ugrad administered by Aminef. Well, further, I’m glad to talk to you 🙂


    • Hello 🙂
      Thank you very much for reading my blog and the compliments. I hope my writings do really inspire my readers 🙂
      You might know I applied for Aminef as well and got rejected but I would love to ask you a lot of things about States for my upcoming SUSI scholarship there.
      Anyway, I am glad my blog could fish some good and inspiring person like you. Looking forward to having some good readings from your blog 🙂

    • I am visiting your personal blog right now. Would love to read your stories when you were in US. Thank you for your email. Looking forward to having more private conversations soon 🙂

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